What is this dark magic

Audrey is turning TWO by the end of the week. How. How? 

In one year,

became

She has requested 'a chocolate cake with pink icing' and ice cream for her birthday. And party hats. I'm not sure where she found out about party hats. For a not-quite-two-year-old, those seem like excessive demands.

Every night, I have to read Charles Schultz's book "Happiness is a Warm Puppy" to her. The last page is something like, "Happiness means different things to different people." Once, I asked what made her happy. I said, for instance, that a long nap would make me very happy.

"Chocolate makes me happy," she said. "And coffee. Pancakes make me happy, too." 
Legit, except who's giving her coffee?

Her other favorite things include:

•  Play-Dough (the homemade stuff.)
•  Books (we have to go through a half dozen at bedtime or it's a cheat.)
• Legos (not Duplos; I feel like I got scammed on the whole Duplo sitch.)
• SECRET PIZZA PARTIES
• Scribblenauts (because the answer to everyone's demands is apparently the same.  "Oh, this guy says he needs to relax at the beach. What shall we give him?" "A knife." "Look, this girl wants something to make her boyfriend laugh!" "A knife.")

I’ve finally finished the rewrite of “The Dead Rise.” It’s better. I'm having an excessively good time tweaking it.  Still needs yet another draft. Then it might be gold.

So who wants to read it? For reals. It will be free. I’ll post again with more details.